Facing the Fear of Forgiveness

Our ego fights the notion of Forgiveness at every possible opportunity. In many ways it is easier for the ego to fight Love than offer Forgiveness. Perfect, Unconditional Love is something that appears to have been “lost” to us for a very long time. In fact the apparent loss of Love is why we are here in this world, but that’s another topic. Let’s deal with the fear of True Forgiveness right now.

We are very good at beating ourselves up, blaming ourselves for something we think we did or did not do, and sometimes we do this over and over and over again. This is something that the part of us known as the ego truly enjoys – beating up on ourselves. We are even better at judging OTHERS, and NOT recognizing that ‘what we hate most in others is that which we hate most in ourselves’. Read that last line a few times until it really sinks in. This is another way of saying that everyone in the world is a mirror, reflecting back to us whatever we are sending out.

Since our ego ALWAYS comes from a place of “I’m Right, and everyone else is wrong”, we project our shortcomings, our fears, and our inadequacies on others. It is a form of defense – a way to protect the ego from us beating up on it (our perceived self) again, and again and again. It is much easier to cast blame on others before we ever look inwardly and see the “truth” about our own apparent issues. This attack is really is a defense against Love and connection. It reinforces separation and hate.

Perhaps you don’t feel you deserve forgiveness? Or perhaps you feel another person does not deserve forgiveness? Why? Have you not been punished enough? Has the person you have passed judgment upon not paid for their sins? Is there still guilt to be resolved? What will be truly lost if True Forgiveness occurs? Is this decision really up to you? It is this that we should think about and weigh very carefully.

The Three Forms of Forgiveness

• Forgiveness as we experience it in the world, which is really just a form of withholding punishment. It comes from a place of one-upmanship. For instance, “Although you were really bad, and I didn’t like what you did, I’m going to give you another chance. I’ll forgive you “this” time, and not punish you right now, because I am a better person than you. But I’m watching you, mister!” The fact is, they are punishing them anyway, and just creating more separation by their judgment.

• Forgiveness by Understanding, which is basically similar to “walking a mile in another person’s shoes”. You recognize that if you were in the exact same situation, with the same experience, and the same knowledge as that person, that you would have made the same choice as they did at the time. Perhaps in the very next second, minute, day, week, year (or whenever) they recognized that they should have made a different choice, then that is new learning. It is an awareness they didn’t have when they made the original choice. Their original choice in the past, no matter how wrong in the present, was actually right for them – then. In this fashion you can forgive them by understanding the choice they made.

• Forgiveness by Grace. This is how God sees each of us. At our true core, we are all perfect fragments of God, and that is what He sees in us. God is Perfect Love. As he looks upon each of us, he sees Himself shining back at Him. He does not see our self-deception, our illusory and arrogant thoughts of separation from Him; he sees each of us for who we truly are. Perfect, Whole, and Loved, with no need for Forgiveness, as God never did anything wrong.

Tom

There is a story I like to tell about a guy named Tom who lived in Des Moines, Iowa. Tom hated President Bush with a passion. Every time anything having to do with anything “bad” came up, Tom would blame it on Mr. Bush. The war, the economy, the school system, the garbage collectors making noise, and ANY bad news on TV – it was ALL President’s Bush’s fault. He would work himself into frenzy over it, badmouthing and calling him names all the time, yelling at the TV. At about year 6, Tom was diagnosed with a bleeding ulcer and had to get emergency care – all the time blaming – you guessed it – Bush. At the end of his term, an aide mentioned to President Bush that he had a disgruntled voter in Des Moines, and he said “check”. That was it. So who really was the recipient of all that hate, anger, and separation? Tom was. He did it to himself. It had virtually no affect on Bush at all, and all that judgment was completely mirrored back at the person creating the attack. What is the value of that?

The Ego as a Teacher

The fact is that our ego can be very useful as a teacher when viewed correctly. Its tools, however, are not the most gentle, being based on fear, pain, attack, guilt, error, and separation. However, its goal is the same - helping us learn what we need to learn. But there is a better way - a gentler way - a more loving way. By recognizing that whatever “wrong” you thought you committed, whatever wrong you felt someone else did, whatever hurt you felt you or someone else created, no matter how many “lifetimes” you have repeatedly passed judgment on yourself and others, the recognition that God has already Forgiven you – AND them - is perhaps the most important of all.

You are not a victim of the world you see, or of your ego, or of anyone else. Even if they are the President, your spouse, your Mother or your boss, they are still the same as you are. YOU are indeed a perfect fragment of God. Feel that deep inside yourself. By releasing judgment you are seeing yourself and others as God sees you.

Our Higher Self

The much bigger part of us that is not the ego has often been called our Higher Self. This part of us is constantly looking to help us find Forgiveness opportunities. When we are ready to truly release our judgments against ourselves and/or others, and recognize the opportunity to use True Forgiveness, all the Angels in Heaven will appear to help us Forgive and find the Peace that surpasses all understanding. In that moment - when you turn attack into Love, it is a miracle. In that timeless moment a powerful recognition is created that makes you aware that you indeed are a perfect fragment of God, as is the person you are looking at - whole, healed, forgiven, and released of all judgment. This is the power of Love - a miracle that is replacing a grievance. Your Higher Self recognizes in this moment that there is nothing to forgive as we are still as God created us, perfect and whole.

We are all learning how to return to our Source, which IS Perfect Love. While there are many paths that can lead us home, Forgiveness can indeed be one of the fastest paths, as it is the Achilles’ heel of the ego. True “Forgiveness of Self” and “Forgiveness of Others” is something that the ego has no defense for.

Don't Fear Forgiveness

Don’t fear Forgiveness, embrace it. In fact it is very arrogant to feel that God is wrong and your poor judgment of yourself or others is right. The ego would have us feel that humility is self-abasement and self-judgment, but that too is merely the ego, playing another game of false humility with us, keeping us from looking within and seeing the truth of who we all truly are. You are the Light of the world. Use the world as a “teaching aid”, and look for Forgiveness opportunities. If you get “lit-up”, then turn on your Light of Love and shine Forgiveness on whatever is going on. There is an old saying – there are three types of problems in the world: My problems, Your problems, and God’s problems. Make sure you recognize whose are whose, and turn over the big ones to the Big Guy.

Yes, in the moment, someone may act unskillfully, but remember they are doing the best they can with what they have. Ask for help from Angels or your Higher Self or the Holy Spirit or the God of your Heart or your Guides and you will get it. With even the slightest willingness on your part to find Peace, or to extend Love, or to share Forgiveness, you will be able to tap into the second most powerful force in the Universe – the ability to change your mind. Free Will is our God given right to Choose Again. And again, and again, and again, until we get it right. Choose yet again.

The question we have to ask at every moment is which teacher are we choosing to learn from - the ego, or God? The ego sees all things as expressions of fear. God sees all things as expressions of Love. You are deeply and completely Loved. This can never change.

Choose Love, for that is who you truly are.